We will be providing some nifty caricatures here soon, but for now we will provide you with some basic facts:
Emo Caveman: Alphaprimitus Emotopatheticus in its finest form. Note the stunted growth due to years of malnourishment and deep, large eyes resulting from fevered stress induced dreams of prehistoric, social anxiety as well as pale skin derived from extreme apprehension to sunlight. He is good friends with the anthropomorphic, post-Devonian denizen and resident tree hugger…
Chillaxasloth: Rolls off the tongue right? Chillaxasloth is two hundred and sixty two kilograms of good-natured companionship combined with an average height of 2 and 3/4 meters all wrapped in the furry pelt of loafishness. He is related in some way to the Giant Ground Sloth of mythology and is perhaps the original discoverer of humanity’s most valued crop.
Emo Cavegirl: Who is this girl with the skulls in her hair? Stirring up trouble when she’s not in her lair? Emo Cavegirl means well and spares no expense to eradicate sorrow, knocking heads back to sense. Stylishly clad in black and white skin, zebra perhaps or its earliest kin. Rounding out the cast with her feminine zest, will she succeed in breaking up this more or less sausage fest? If you’re feeling blue or kind of crummy, don’t let that one know or you might end up DEAD.
Trex: The Cretaceous King, the Jurassic Giant, the Pinnacle of Pangaea, the Tyrannic Tyrant. Trex is a turtle with a delusional dilemma and a bad temper too. In the time of terrible lizards, Trex is a reptile near the bottom of the food chain, but thinks he’s at the top. That kind of ego must have it’s charms though, because this carapace wearing casanova is married.
Janet: Wife to the terrible Trex. This mothering mollusk is overly optimistic, happy-go-lucky, and enables her terrapin to carry on his feral fiction. What can a ravenous saurian and an overbearing invertebrate possibly have in common besides championing for world’s least likely to win a race?